Summation of month of june on june 29

A final publication to this long but a little incoherent blog.

Although it seems like a great deal of time has passed since I last wrote anything to my blog,... not so. Only a month has gone by. But, what a month. I can't say I have been completely clean from the Big M but I have grown and learned a great deal. I have released myself from the insanity of my obsession for Maverick and said my goodbyes. He has moved on to what I hope is a proper and happy path for himself. I truely hope that he will be happy with this new girlfriend of his but in my mind somewhere something tells me that he will be back. For what reason it is a certainty is only for greater powers to understand. He is gone and why I obsess over certain people I don't know.  Maybe it is a good thing.  I will be just fine and stronger and even more wise and driven to do all the things I believe I am meant to do. I feel like that now I am all the more ready to write to give an account of living to others that will inspire them to really change their lives and show them that experience is a fantastic tool and that chance is not an enemy in an enchanted world. I have to pay my respects also to a fallen companion on the road of life. Steven Kohlman was once a friend of mine but he purposely deceived and robbed me. He took advantage of my generosity and stole from me when really all he had to do was ask. I did help him out but then he stole from me in the face of the generosity I showed to him. It is sad to lose a friend. He is lost to that world of stealing and robbing. Dog eat Dog. Win at all expense. He will find that I was a great expenditure. No I take that back. He will probably never notice what he has lost. He will just keep fighting and fighting at the forces of the world until he is pulled under, lost in the currents and violent whirlpools of dark and unforgiving pain and loss. He will probably never know why things just never seem to work out for him. And I feel sad that he is gone.  But deep down I have to believe that he will see the world of scarcity for the falsehood that it is.  There is no such thing as scarcity.  Not any where really it will just take time for people to realize it and the tipping point will happen and Love will come rushing out all over.  I have taken the step of filing for my disability so that I can receive a monthly check from the Federal Government stating that I am crazy. I believe that I am crazy in many respects. At least such that the principles that I live by will never allow me to work in the world as we know it economically. I can never succeed in a system that requires one to shed their principles of life at the door of the institution one must become a part of to be gainfully employed in international global economy as we know it today. So paper is flying in many directions to achieve that end. I am however blessed in many respects I have wonderful parents who have never abandoned me to this day no matter what I have put them through. I have good friends who I know I can depend on and can go to if things get rough in life. I have lived a life of the seeker and have worked to find truth in all my endeavors as best as I can despite my weaknesses and frailties as a human being. I have loved. I have lost. I have experienced a fantastic bloom of variety throughout my life and I hope soon I will have the energy and the inspiration to start the book I want to write. That the muses will come and give me that spark of mystical enlightenment that will show me what I have to offer the world. I know I have much to offer. But it must be true and valid. I will not offer up tripe for new age psycho-con trickery to reach a small mass audience for fun and profit. I believe when I reach a zenith of personal strength I will soon be ready for that outflowing of experience put to paper, just the right distillation that will show others that good is out there.  That all things work together for the good of all men evil and good in the end.  That happiness and peace is ultimately the final outcome for all spiritual creatures no matter how far they stray in this life. For example even Steven Kohlman will be enlightened and happy in the end someday. In some life maybe not this one he will find true happiness and peace. All people need love. the more love you give out the more there is. It is an inexhaustible commodity if there were enough people who believed they they would never run out.  I believe that this is what Jesus spoke of when he said drink of this water you will never thirst again.  We won't run out. Love bareth all things suffers all things . Not a bad month all in all. I am still working at C  & C Market Research and I they are very very good to me and understand my disabilities and work with me accordingly. The job is very flexible and...NOW IT IS MAY 28 2016. I left C& C a few months after I was granted disability.   I wrote this in 2009 and never published it. I feel now is the time to say this bit I wrote.  I now think I must either say or write the greater things I want to say.  It is time for me to get to work.  Not in this blog like I said,  I need a new blog.  Well I probably won't write it in a blog either.  We'll see.  But I do think the time has come.