WRITING

I am finally going to start the arduous yet, I suppose ultimately cathartic, business of writing "the writing". I mean the biggy, the one where I am writing that book I have always spoken about writing. I used to think all this waiting, writing little snippets and essays, and teasing at writing were procrastination. I have a journal (on paper), and I have been doing research. I now realize that, although I am a procrastinator, I wasn't doing that; I was doing the essential mental coalescence necessary for a person to have what they need to do the job fated for them. I needed to be this age. I have been wanting to write since I was in my teens. I did short jaunts at it. But, I never have put a strong proactive continuous attempt at doing a lengthy work until now. I had even complained that the fight between my stepson and myself set me back 6 months or more in my writing plans, because at the time I was on about page 40 or 50 of a very rough draft with plans to really make that beginning the real start and felt at the time like... well ... it was time! Well, it wasn't time and now, strangely I see why. That event was necessary to really prepare me for the work I am set to do. I realize a lot of spriritual and soul felt wrestling inside needed to be completed before I was to begin. And I have been feeling labor pains for the last week or so. Today .. it begins. I will try to keep working and doing the essentials of daily life as I can; but, I am certain that this will take preimenence. It all seems to fit together. I now just have to have the self assured faith that all these years of writing practice and much of the verve and style I lost in my youth still allow a result that is readable to my audience,.... whoever that may be. I hope it is everyone. Because it is everyone that I want to tell. Yes it is a tale and a nonfiction and an autobiography. I will allow the structure of the book to evolve of it's own. I think when I start handing out the acknowledgements ... I may have few people to give thanks to for assisting my efforts. But no; it's going to be a more of a winnowing process because I have everyone I have ever met as well as many I have read to thank. So thanks in advance EVERYONE before I shorten the list and I know very very few people read this blog... but hey,.. you're part of the process as well. Anyway, writing as I discovered in this preparatory period, is difficult work but very rewarding internally. The difficulty resides in the research and the maintenance of a singular voice. The maintenance of a singular voice is a particularly difficult problem for me as I am emotionally labile and don't even well detect some of these mood changes. I do detect the wild ones but some of those are some of the best moods for writing.... so even more the problem presents itself... I am, however very positive in my attitude and surety. I know this is the time, and I know this is the way. So those of you who do wish me luck anyway.... continue to do so. Thanks. I may put a majority of the upstarting draft on my brother site "lowercase" deadsalive. But we will see; I'm just looking forward to the start;... somehow I think it has already begun. Bon Voyage! Stephen