the connection of letting go and its requirements

I have finally figured out how to process this Maverick unfinished business in my head thing. Its all been validated by his need to do the same thing I am doing. To go on with life in any form we had to leave one another behind. He could not go forward with me. I was way to much of an issue. That importance has been given to the fact that he had to forget me to get on with his life shows me that my impact was indeed huge. We cannot communicate and without impacting one another. So to act to decide a path in life he had to get rid of my influence. To keep my influence in his life while he is trying out a new path and building the kind of life he wants to try out for himself would be like me standing in the room he needs to navegate his path. I would be a massive and blinding distraction. He could no more concentrate on having a family with me as a friend than he could walk on water. So, indeed what this was was a break up. He and I broke up. What was not discussed,... the elephant in the room.... was not imaginary just because we didn't discuss it. It was all too real. And he knew that to proceed, was to do so without my influence, in any form. just because we didn't have sex didn't mean we weren't lovers. This is what consoles me and gives meaning to the whole 2 year dance we did together. I know he loves me. And for me to socialize with he and his new girlfriend would be as awkward as if he were to invite his previous girlfriend April over to visit with them. He tried to do this stunt with Kim but he couldn't accept losing me yet. Now he has grown ready and I am proud and happy for him. Because now I know my existence in his life was not without meaning. Indeed there was a great deal of meaning,.... far too much for him to begin a family with. I cannot have contact with him to begin to live again. For him it is no different, to chose a family and take a wife, he cannot have contact with me. This is not just interpretive consolation. It is in fact a reality that I have to allow myself to realize the amazing impact that I did have and can have on another human being. Yes I am holding back. I impress others. And now I know.... I really can have the things I want. This is what I have learned. This is part of the new growth and strength I reveal to myself that ... by god this boy loved me and to grow in this world the way he wants to unfold himself he has to leave me. I feel no regret.... I cannot blame him for a single thing. We did this together, and we parted........ together. I wish him all the happiness in this world. I will always be standing behind him whether he realizes it or not. He always has me. Yet I lose nothing in being there for him. We both decided to push away to grow. All so beautiful because it was done almost entirely with out needing to say a word. I finally have the connection with him I had at the very beginning. It was never gone. Just transformed.