Well, IT is before 5:00 in the morning and I got up earlier. Can't really say I couldn't sleep so much as I just wanted to get up once I had woken up the second time.
I am a little disappointed in some ways with Sally... she is cold one day then friendly the next. Yet she does't tell me why. At simplest observance one could say: she has read your BLOG finally and is shocked to shit or mad or something because if she has waited this long to read all that's been in it... there's been a lot. I just went back and read some of it. I can't say that I see anything that she should be really find objectionable to if she has at least read my earlier earliest stuff and profiles from say 18 days ago when I gave her my blog address and when she met me and read stuff in my yahoo files. But maybe she dislikes my critism of her divorce. Though I think I have pointed all these things out to her in the past. I did notice one thing that may give me a good clue into the workings of her behavior. Well one day when she seemed to be feeling kinda down and I pried and pushed to see what was bugging her, she told me finally that a friend of hers tending a yard sale had closed it early and had then sat through a meeting where Sally described how she was given the third degree in regard to not knowing what the take was on the sale. Also she let me know that she was a little bothered by the fact that the woman didn't have a right to close it down and, ( as it turns out it was not as late as she thought cause the afternoon workers were there when she closed it). Well, later in a meeting in which the women in question attended she never brought up this annoyance to her or about how she felt to the woman neither in front of the group (which was small) or in private,... even in the most tender language. She instead fumed about it. Now this was supposed to have been one off the things that the day previous she had told me she was so depressed or upset about ( pick word of choice) . Now that would go to indicate that at times she is upset at what people do but rather than approach them about it she stews and resents it and they are none the wiser for her changed behavior. So just as easily, I could have said something or done something that could have made her really aggravated but instead of talking it out with me she just became somewhat cold. Of course she did have a toothache come on later in the evening yet that doesn't explain her lack of willingness to be presenting me to her friends. She did introduce me to some of them but all in all I met as many (probably more) on my own than she introduced me to....not to say that this would bother me but that in other situations she has made certain to introduce me to everyone concerned around her that she talked to. But not this time. We didn't even appear to be together. It was like she was just giving me a ride to an event as an aquaintance to check it out and have a free dinner.....( " yeah, why don't ya come to this picnic event at a fancy social scene and see who you can see and mingle around..... I gotta serve the meat so just visit") And it was also clear she showed far more gush and conversational effervencence with other persons she spoke with than she did with me at any point in the evening. I don't know. I like Sally. She can be fun when she is in the mood.... but when she's not you feel like you are being ignored on purpose but for some reason she won't reveal. She seems to be only interested in things she's interested in. period...period. I have even asked her about her lack of interest in somethings I say and she simply has said "well that's just stuff I don't give a shit about". I don't particularly like the company of 80% women at a womens event and I don't particularly like country music or talking about how the world is shitty and shitty people come out on top and all the good people, "like her" get the shaft... WHAT A PHILOSOPHY! but I just ignore most of it because I am "GETTING TO KNOW HER".
Now don't get me wrong here I understand bitterness and how it can come about.... especially after a divorce and I would like to get her to see that things don't have to be that way....
I ignore a lot of put downs she makes to me one the grounds that she just feels bad and she is under stress. ( she say's I am spoiled and there is something wrong with a guy who lives with his parents at 43) I tried to explain it and she say's "I've rationalized it away for myself" ) Now that is an interesting conclusion to come to about someone you've known for 3 weeks. I am just theorizing about her so far, yet she's certain about things concerning me. And when I try to clarify I am just rationalizing ( "poor silly me, I don't see my own problems") I lived on my own from age 20 to 37 and for 8 months I moved out during the 5 year time I have been at mom and dad's and was going to stay gone until my dad told me he could get me a house closer to home if I would just move back because I was going to be horribly hard to make this business work considering the uphill batttle I faced in the area I was entering and the money it paid. So he talks me into coming home. Remember, I am their only son and they are 75 years old. The house was never produced and that duplicitous manipulation to get me to move back home made me really mad but I got over it. You have to love the old folk. And the older they get the harder it is for me to say no to them.
Well for the time being I will just keep on ignoring things till I better understand them. I mean, After all, My belief is that no body is bad anyway, and all of us just simply need to be loved.... give someone enough
love and understanding and love and understanding (unless they are "unconscious") will come poring out of them as well!!!!!!!
3 comments:
well if you feel this way why not tell her instead of putting on here for the world to read
the anonymous are usually of the same type, opinionated, interested in gossip, scared to get involved, (that's why they like to comment on other peoples lives instead of their own, and wish not to be identified for the same reason as above statement) and of course rather read this stuff than anything of intellectual content. This is why they comment on soap operas, invented or not, instead of the topics science or economics. I figured this kind of stuff would draw a few out.... certainly more than my entry about the merger of the two packaging companies and their stocks of amorphous aluminosilicates and the ramifications there from. Same reason Scott Peterson and Michael Jacksons perversions trump time given to election issues like healthcare rather than 35 year old war records to boot. But for your information, she may read it herself,.... and if your so concerned why don't you go tell her yourself if you don't like my means of delivery.
Yes!! comments comments I got another and he or she is mad as hell!!! You always know you hit the nail on the head when they holler like banshees. Oh from age 20 to 37 I never lived with them. It just happens to be convienient now. And If you think I'm weird... Gosh you need to get out more!!I am only the tiniest tip of the weirdo iceberg. I'd rather be strange than average. Like Thoreau Said: "The world is filled with men living lives of quiet desperation." the only reason for hate is fear and fear is only misunderstanding and uncertainty.... trying to face it....It's better to kill the frightening than wait on the chance that it might consume you. Once you are comsumed you are gone and even worse you never understood. Your reaction is acceptable, even gladly recieved. Tell all your computer friends how wierd I am and have them write to me too!! Gotta love ya! Steve
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